'Tis the magical season Fellow Warrior Wizards!
I have another a little gift for you.
It starts with a heartfelt Season's Greeting to all my fellow magnificent Wizards!
I've added this happy holiday wishes section to the top-secret page I created last year for you all. I wanted to share my favorite little gnome with you. He can easily be transformed into gift tags, a unique holiday shirt, holiday cards. . . you are only limited by your imagination.
Drum roll please. . .
I'd like to introduce you to non-other than Mr. Gnomely
Frostbeard
McJingle, my fun loving little mischievous holiday buddy.
You can download the .pdf file that provides helpful hints and instructions for printing and projects by clicking the link below.
This file also includes the link to download the image file of Gnomely on a transparent background.
Gnomely
And, as you might have guessed, Mr. Gnomely Frostbeard McJingle happens to be one of those very opinionated and downright pushy, egotistical, know-it-all breed of gnome. He insists that I share his very favorite Christmas story of all time with you all because, Gnomely adamantly believes, that your wizardly lives would simply not be complete without hearing this enriching, enlightening, and enchanting tale.
So buckle up HWR wizards, grip your wands tightly and, I must mention, that it's highly advised that you hold onto your sorting hats because things are about to get a bit out of control.
“Gnorbert and the Catastrophic Christmas Cantation”
(A very special Yuletide Tale as told by Gnorbert Tinseltoes, Apprentice
Gnome of Dubious Competence)
Right, now gather ‘round, tallfolk, because what I am about to recount is a tale of courage, magic, and one deeply ill-advised peppermint latte.
It all began on a frosty December morning at Gnewtsbury
Academy of Holiday Wizardry, because sadly, my application was resoundingly and all too swiftly (in my opinion) rejected at that highly coveted, prestigious and elite school of magical excellence- Hogwarts. (Huge, dramatic sigh accompanied with a gulping sob.)
Oops! Sorry about that. The rejection of my dreams of attaining wizardly mastery at Hogwarts still stings quite a bit.
Now where was I?
Oh yes, the Gnewtsbury Academy of Holiday Wizardry (for Hogwarts rejects) where I—Gnorbert Tinseltoes, gnome
extraordinaire—was proudly polishing my beard (the curly bits require three
separate combs) and preparing for Professor Janglethorne’s Advanced Festive
Spellcasting exam.
Professor Janglethorne—half-elf, full menace—strode into the classroom, her bells jingling ominously.
“Today,” she said with a grin that made her peppermint-stripe glasses glint, “you will attempt the most powerful charm of the Christmas season: the Miraculum Merrimus Maxima.”
The room gasped. Someone fainted. (Okay, fine, I fainted. But in a very dignified way.)
The Miraculum Merrimus Maxima was legendary. It could summon unstoppable holiday cheer—lightshows, carols, cookies, spontaneous reindeer conga lines. It could also, in the wrong hands, result in catastrophic side effects… such as the infamous “Eggnog Tsunami Incident of ’87.”
But I, Gnorbert, was ready.
I stepped forward, wand in hand (candy-cane core, gumdrop handle—an outstanding custom job, if I don't say so myself, that cost me days of expending colossal amounts of magical energy). I
flicked it with all the majesty of a 14-inch-tall wizarding prodigy.
“Miraculum Merrimus MAXIMA!”
There was a pause.
A very, very l-o-n-g pause.
Then a sparkle.
Next, we heard quite a loud fwoomp. (Kinda like a Yeti's blast of flatulence without the stench).
And then—
A gigantic eruption of. . .
CHAOS. MAYHEM. PANDEMONIUM.
My hat shot off like a rocket and embedded itself in the ceiling. The floor turned into gingerbread. (A sturdier material than you'd think.) Every stocking in a three-mile radius suddenly filled with ferrets wearing tiny Santa suits. A twelve-foot-tall fruitcake gained sentience, declared itself Mayor of the Academy, and started instituting new limitations on laws governing the use of magic.
And the worst part?
Every time I tried to stop it, the spell multiplied.
I tried a counter-charm—
“Finite Festivitus!”
But that only made the ferrets sing four-part harmonies.
I tried another—
“No-More-Sugarumuma!”
That one backfired so violently that I briefly turned into a marshmallow peep.
At last, panting, covered in glitter, cookie crumbs, and legal documents drafted by an authoritarian fruitcake mayor threatening immediate imprisonment, I cried:
“WHY IS MAGIC LIKE THIS?”
Professor Janglethorne, observing from a safe distance (i.e., behind a blast shield), murmured, “You may have… slightly overpowered the spell.”
Slightly?
Did I hear that right?
Slightly!?
You don't say.
The understatement evidenced as a herd of reindeer doing synchronized swimming in midair passed leisurely over our heads.
Eventually—after three hours, six detentions, and one magical cease-and-desist order from the Candy Cane Union—I managed to stabilize the charm.
Everything poofed back to normal.
Well… except for the ferrets. They had unionized.
Professor Janglethorne adjusted her jingling spectacles. “Well done, Gnorbert. Your spell was disastrous, irresponsible, and probably illegal in twelve holiday jurisdictions.”
She paused.
“But it was the most festive thing I’ve ever seen.”
And that, dear listener, is how I, the one and only Gnorbert Tinseltoes, Apprentice Gnome of Dubious Competence, earned the highest
possible mark in Advanced Festive Spellcasting.
I'm sure you'll be delighted to learn that I am very hopeful that my new application for admission to Hogwarts will be favorably considered and my holliday dreams of walking the hallowed Great Hall of the best school of wizardry in the universe is bound to come true.
The End
or perhaps not. . .
The little stinker is now adamantly demanding, and I do mean DEMANDING- (like with the ferocious stomping of elf shoes, accompanied by high pitched wailing like a maniacal banshee, and pitifully sobbing non-stop while dripping copious amounts of snot rockets resembling mini marshmallows into his hot chocolate)- that the HWR Wizards absolutely couldn't survive a moment longer without a full complement of specially custom-tailored Holiday magical spells.
I had to give in.
Wouldn't you?
(To be honest, it was watching the mini marshmallow snot rockets floating on top of the hot chocolate that tipped me over the edge.)
So HWR folks, batten down the hatches and get your wands a-ready because here we go:
Miraculum Merrimus Maxima
Type: Grand Cheer-Explosion Charm
Effects: Unleashes blindingly powerful holiday joy including (but not limited to): aggressively cheerful sparkles, self-animating fruitcakes, and rogue reindeer conga lines.
Side Effects: Overconfidence, beard fluff expansion, and ferrets in Santa suits appearing in unexpected pockets.
Pepperminta Confettiatus
Type: Atmosphere Enhancement Spell
Effects: Showers the area with peppermint-scented confetti that never melts, sticks to everything, and occasionally whispers compliments (“Nice boots!”).
Side Effects: Confetti unionization. Do not attempt to negotiate.
Nogulus Tidalwaveus
Type: Beverage Conjuration
Effects: Summons a large quantity of eggnog—ideal for parties, terrible for anyone not fluent in swimming.
Side Effects: Entire building may become “eggnog-zoned.” Take off shoes before entering.
Carolae Vociferous!
Type: Vocal Charm
Effects: Forces everyone within 50 feet to sing Christmas carols in booming, Broadway-level harmony.
Side Effects: May cause spontaneous key changes. Gnomes go sharp. Elves go flat. Humans panic and attempt to flee the scene.
Fruitcakus Sentientia
Type: Forbidden Food Animation
Effects: Brings a fruitcake to life.
Side Effects: It WILL attempt to run for public office. You cannot stop it. You can only hope to contain it.
Twinkleboom Festivitus!
Creates a blast of magical twinkle lights so powerful they lasso passing birds, wrap your house, and sometimes deck your neighbor’s cat.
Side Effect: Can occasionally generate a spark that is apt to light Grandpa's rear on fire.
Jinglus Maximum Jangle!
Enchants bells to jingle at dramatically inappropriate volumes. Perfect for entrances, less perfect for library visits.
Gingy Golem Gigantor!
Animates a colossal gingerbread creature who will defend you fiercely
—mostly by shedding gumdrops like landmines.
Side Effects: Tends to crumble under pressure.
Cocoarum Volcano!
Transforms any mug into a mini erupting hot-cocoa mountain. Delicious.
Terrifying. Sticky.
Reindeer Aerobaticus!
Allows reindeer to perform professional-grade aerial stunts.
Side effect: They develop fan clubs and demand unreasonable appearance fees.
Nutcrackus Battalion!
Summons an army of toy soldiers that look adorable but march with alarming intensity. Perfect for intimidation, parades, or both.
Snowballus Rapidfiremus!
Summons a floating arsenal of self-launching snowballs with sniper-level aim.
Note: Snowballs have exhibited a mind of their own. Avoid antagonizing them.
THE END
(Really)
Last Year's Gift
Of course, there is a back story that requires a bit of explanation.
I
know we have been all thinking about Bowbaya and sending her our heartfelt best
wishes for a quick recovery. B’s attitude has
been more than a little inspiring to me.
When level 75 of the Harry Potter game introduced the most beautiful and glorious
graphic of a Phoenix, it immediately evoked an epiphany.
A symbolic gift for B and the team! One of hope, battling (as the gifted spell casting warrior wizards we all are) to overcome obstacles,
and of resilience. We’ve all walked the road of hardship and adversity in one way or another. We’ve all fallen but have risen stronger, usually wiser, and marched on to face a much-welcomed new chapter.
It seemed only fitting that my next art project be that of the majestic, mysterious Phoenix.
A gift dedicated to Bowbaya and the HWR Team:
Use
this link to download a word document that contains a link to this watercolor, which also explains how to use this 16X20 image file that can be resized smaller to 8X10, 4X5 or even enlarged. (Note: When you click the link for the image in the word document, it will open in a new window).
You can make a
t-shirt by printing the Phoenix on clear iron-on paper, use it for notecards, a frame
art print, etc.
As I was working on this piece, we received news that my husband has been diagnosed with of an aggressive form of cancer, (treatable thankfully), the symbolism of the Phoenix Rising became even more poignant and meaningful, reminding me of the Rodney Atkins song, “If you are going through hell.”
I now find myself unconsciously chanting the chorus throughout the day:
“If you're goin' through hell keep on going
Don't slow down if you're scared don't show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, if you're goin' through hell keep on movin'
Face that fire, walk right through it
You might get out before the devil even knows you're there”
And I find the final verse particularly moving:
“I've been deep down in that darkness
I've been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different demons breathin' fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled I'd fall right into the trap
That they were layin', yeah
But the good news is there's angels everywhere out on the street
Holdin' out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one's that you've been draggin' for so long
You're on your knees you might as well be prayin'
Guess what I'm sayin'”
Okay, that's quite enough of the
sappy blathering and philosophical wandering of an overly emotional drama queen with an overactive imagination.
Hauling up the big girl panties and marching along.
Then. . .
this idea literally took a huge detour, evolving into something so much more.
Why stop there, I thought?
For all those that have traveled that dark hellish road of anguish guided by the just the slightest glimmering ray of hope, to eventually emerge into the light of a new beginning, couldn’t the Rise of the Phoenix become a universal symbol of survival?
Why, of course it can!
And it starts right here:
Just follow the same instructions as for the link of the other Phoenix image:
I thank you one and all
for being such a fabulous, fun and inspiring team. I’m so happy to have been invited to join
such an amazing group of people.
Onward to a bazillion more and new promising tomorrows,
Sue
P.S. Please feel free to message me via my Etsy shop if you have any questions or need help. I'm more than happy to walk you through whatever!
(The contact link on Etsy is on the upper right side under my profile photo.)
